Being a Wife and a Mother

I. AM. TIRED.

I am so tired right now.

As in pagod na pagod.

I have been feeling this for a few days now and it won't go away. I want to cry.

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WARNING: Unstable, contradicting, confusing statements to follow.

I love being a wife and a mother. This is my dream. To have my own family.

Mahal na mahal ko ang mga anak ko. I don't think merong magcha-challenge dyan.

But I am just so tired.

Having two kids is so different from having just one. When I had my firstborn, I really took my time, enjoying every little thing about parenting and motherhood. I planned everything, we even had regular Friday dates (we went to the park, we went grocery shopping, watched movies, window shopping, etc).

Pero negaron, sobrang hirap mag-balance ng time. 'Di ko na alam paano hahatiin ang sarili ko. Naiiyak ako guys. I feel incompetent. I feel like I am such a bad wife and mother. Like, I am not giving my best. Or even if I am giving it my all, hindi pa rin enough.

Like today.

It is my husband's birthday. Well, we had dinner with our families. Nothing fancy. Pero paguwi ng bahay, kailangan ko pang i-check kung may homework si Aeris. Then we had to do her Kumon homework. Then put Arya to sleep. Tapos kailangan ko pang tignan kung okay ba yung damit ng asawa ko para sa wedding ng kaibigan namin.

Sabay-sabay.

Tapos iniisip ko pa ngayon, may sakit yung isang kasama namin sa bahay. 'Yung nagaalaga kay Aeris. So yung nagaalaga kay Arya, kailangan nyang i-juggle ang 2 kids ngayon. Uuwi pa sya next week, graduation kasi ng anak nya --- so paano na 'yan kapag may sakit pa din 'yung isa naming kasama.

Tapos may kailangan pa akong tapusin na briefer para sa hearing sa Wednesday. Yung Econ database pa.

I don't even know if I am making sense right now. I don't even know if I am paying attention to my kids and my husband properly.

It is hard. It is difficult that you are needed everytime.

Guys, seryoso. Hindi lang 'to drama. Those close to me would know that I will never ever complain about being a wife and a mother. I will do anything for them. Pero seryoso, nakakapagod din naman kasi talaga minsan.

Totoo pala yung mga meme na parang "where is the pause button in all of these".

My back hurts. Ang sakit sakit ng legs ko. Babagsak na ang mata ko. Pero kailangan ko pa din pumasok bukas.

Ngayon, mas lalo kong naa-appreciate yung mga kasama namin sa bahay. May mga anak din sila. Pero ito sila, nagaalaga ng mga anak ng ibang tao. Malalayo sa sarili nilang mga anak, kasi kailangan kumita ng pera eh. They will miss a lot of milestones in their kids' lives, pero titiisin nilang lahat ng yun. 'Yan ang reality. Ang tapang nila, ang lakas ng loob, ang tibay nila.

Parang ako, kailangan ko din kumita. Kailangan may maiambag ako sa pamilyang ito.

How do I make sure that I am physically and mentally present in all of these? In all of my husband and kids' milestones? Even in the littlest of things. How do I attend and address to all of their needs? Is that even possible?

Christmas Wishlist III

Yosi Samrassssss!

LACE WITH BOW - BUFF/BLACK (P2,995)

ABBEY TWOTONE GLITTER CAPTOE - BLACK/STARDUST (P3,495)

Christmas Wishlist II

Photo from Kim Store

I need my own laptop. My recent Dell laptop is already with Popsie (he uses it for his field projects) and he said he'd but it from me for roughly 30% less the original price. I barely used it, I got it December 2011 before I gave birth to Sophia Isabelle. Yey for me! Excited!!!

Christmas Wishlist 2013

Photos from: Willow Jewelry

A Prayer for a Daughter

Sharing with you this prayer I read during my devotion this morning.

Father who breathed into this daughter…

I pray for this girl being formed into eternity….

May the wind always be in her hair

May the sky always be wide with hope above her

And may all the hills be an exhilaration

the trials but a trail,

all the stones but stairs to God.

God, clothe this girl in a gown of grace
Grace, the only dress that makes beautiful,
the style of Your spirit.

Nourish her on the comfort food of the Word,
Word, that makes her crave more of Christ,
have hunger pangs for Him.

Enclose her in communion with You
You, Love who makes her love, who folds her heart into a roof
that absorbs storms for souls,
that makes her tongue speak only the words that make souls stronger.

May her vocation in this world simply be translation

Translating every enemy into esteemed guest
Translating every countenance into the face of Christ
Translating every burden into blessing

When it’s hard to be patient… make her willing to suffer
When it’s ridiculous to be thankful … make her see all is grace
When it’s radical to forgive … make her live the foundation of our faith
And when it’s time to work … make her a holy wonder.

May she be bread and feed many with her life and her laughter
May she be thread and mend brokenness and knit hearts
May she be dead to all ladders & never go higher, only lower, to the lonely, the least & the longing
Her led of the Spirit to lead many to the Cross
that leads to the tomb wildly empty.

Oh, and raise me, Lord, from the deadness of my own sins to love this beautiful girl like You do…

In the name of Christ who rose

and appeared first

to one of His daughters…

Amen…

by: Ann Voskamp

Counting my blessings

Despite my aching neck, my lightheadedness, despite being stuck in traffic this morning for 3 hours (Magallanes-dela Rosa lang 'yan ha!), despite the deadlines I have, I still have a big smile on my face today because:

1) I got to play with my baby girl when I got home last night. I arrived at 11:30 pm, and learned that Aeris just woke up. Nagulat daw sa lakas ng doorbell namin. So we played until she got sleepy again.

2) Ber months na!!! :) Christmas is just around the corner!!!

3) I have a husband who really plans and wants the best for our family. See, my husband is not really a person of spontaneity. He loves working within his comfort zone. He gets irate when he has to deal with sudden changes in his routine. Early this week, he told me his plans of looking for other possible work opportunities with better compensation. He reiterated that he wants me to just focus on my business and stay at home. He wants to find a job that would cover for all of our needs and a few wants. Imagine he even asked me kung magkano daw ba kaya ang enough na (shopping) allowance ko monthly!

Thank you, Lord for blessing me and so much more. <3

Sya ang 'yong kailangan

My sister and I used to sing in the Children's Choir. Kay Teacher Vicky namin nakuha ang 'dapat pag O, 'owwww' talaga. Bilog ang bibig', 'upo ng straight para lumabas ang boses' 'N should be 'ennn', M should be 'emm'. We used to sing Psalty songs. Nakaka-miss. Now my baby girl is next in line! Feeling ko iiyak ako sa unang pagkanta ng anak ko. Nakaka-excite!

Yesterday was Children's Sunday in our church. The Children's Choir, headed by Teacher-Ninang Vicky, sang Hesus. I wish someone recorded the kids as they sang. Para ka talagang kinakantahan ng mga anghel.  I remember Aegis has their own rendition of this song, original ba nila 'to? 

Sharing with you the lyrics of the song:

Kung nag-iisa at nalulumbay
Dahil sa hirap mong tinataglay
Kung kailangan mo nang karamay
Tumawag ka at Siya'y naghihintay

Siya ang iyong kailangan
Sandigan, kaibigan mo
Siya noon, bukas, ngayon
Sa dalangin mo'y tugon
Siya ay si Hesus sa habang panahon

Kung ang buhay mo ay walang sigla
Laging takot at laging alala
Tanging kay Hesus makaaasa
Kaligtasan lubos na ligaya

Siya ang dapat tanggapin
At kilanlin Sa buhay mo
Siya ang araw mong lagi
Ang karamay kung sawi
Siya ay si Hesus, Siya ay si Hesus
Siya ay si Hesus sa bawat sandali

The song's very beautiful. Ang simple ng lyrics, simple ng tono, walang birit birit o kulot kulot pero sapul na sapul. 

Lord, thank You. I know I'm not 'in Your zone' lately, and I don't know why. I have everything I need, and I have no one to thank but You alone. Sorry, Lord. But please don't ever let me go. (I know You won't) Please do not also let me forget of how great and majestic You are. Please do not let me let go of You, Father. I love you! 

Of the corrupt

Ang galing talaga ni Lord. Hearing ngayon sa office para sa Pork Barrel Scam/Napoles Case. At ito ang reading ko ngayon sa devotion ko.

1 Timothy 6:6-12

Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)

6 Devotion to God is, in fact, a way for people to be very rich, but only if it makes them satisfied with what they have. 7 When we came into the world, we brought nothing. And when we die, we can take nothing out. 8 So, if we have food and clothes, we will be satisfied with that. 9 People who want to be rich bring temptations to themselves. They are caught in a trap. They begin to want many foolish things that will hurt them. These things ruin and destroy people. 10 The love of money causes all kinds of evil. Some people have turned away from what we believe because they want to get more and more money. But they have caused themselves a lot of pain and sorrow.

Some Things to Remember

11 But you belong to God. So you should stay away from all those things. Always try to do what is right, to be devoted to God, and to have faith, love, patience, and gentleness. 12 We have to fight to keep our faith. Try as hard as you can to win that fight. Take hold of eternal life. It is the life you were chosen to have when you confessed your faith in Jesus—that wonderful truth that you spoke so openly and that so many people heard.

Ang sakto 'no? This is God talking to us, His people, His children, that He already gave us all that we could need and that He will always (walang palya) provide. He will never forsake us. 

Nakakabilib talaga si Lord. He knew that we will be tempted, and once we allow ourselves to be absorbed in this world, we will be trapped. Alam nyo yung feeling na sa simula, akala mo ok na yung may nakuha kang 100php? Ok na yun, masaya ka na dun. Tapos syempre naranasan mo na yung 100php ng di nahuhuli eh. So try mo naman next time, mga 500php. E lusot pa din. Hanggang palaki na ng palaki. Before you know it, you've been amassing so much wealth that is not even yours and you don't even need. You just have to satisfy this thirst in you to get as much as you can. There's no stopping you. At ang masaklap, nahuli ka na nga't lahat, di ka pa din aamin. You've been in this trap long enough that you've already convinced yourself (and probably those who are close to you) that there is really nothing wrong with what you're doing, that it is perfectly okay because it has become the norm. 

This, my friends, is the reason why our country is full of corrupted hearts and souls. :( Let us all continue to pray for our country, pray for those involved.

Sabi nga ni Lord diba, pray for those who persecute you, pray for your enemies, pray for those who curse you. So tonight, I pray that the Lord will stir in me a more prayerful heart that I may pray not only those whom I love, but also for those unknown to me and those who I know needs the Lord's healing.

Tara guys, alam ko nakakapanggalaiti. But before everything else, may we learn to be vigilant through prayer.

Everyday is a new day =)

‘Father, we pray that your name will always be kept holy.

    We pray that your kingdom will come.

3 

Give us the food we need for each day.

4 

Forgive our sins,

    just as we forgive everyone who has done wrong to us.

And don’t let us be tempted.’

Luke 11: 2-4

Work with all your heart

This is my devotion for today:

“Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.” -Colossians 3:23

Be such a competent and trusted worker that God is honored (Neh. 1:11–2:6). Care passionately about others and what’s important to them. Take action, occasionally even risky action, to honor what’s important to God and to fellow believers (2:3-6)

Often I forget who my REAL boss is. I am too engrossed in pleasing other people, that I neglect the Lord, what He wants me to do, what is pleasing in His eyes.

This verse is also a reminder that in everything I do (yes, the Lord says EVERYTHING. As in every little thing) should be for God's glory. Quite tough, right? (Well, for me that is) Is God glorified when I gossip? Do I get His sign of approval when I think of myself highly than others? Is He happy when I silently curse and kill my enemies in my mind? Would He be able to say 'good job my faithful servant' when I simply comply and not give my best at work? Of course, no no no.

I'm at this stage (yes, ang bata ko pa ata para ma-burnout?) where I think 'my bosses don't really care if I do my best or I go the extra mile, they are just after compliance'. And this sucks big time. What happened to me? What ever happened to that fire in me to excel in what I do? What ever happened to always giving it my best shot, not for people to praise me but to give back all the glory to our Lord?

Nakakahiya kay Lord, 'no? 

So as I start this week (and the 1st working week of the 1st -ber month of 2013) I pray that I keep this in mind. I pray that the Lord will forever be my guide in each and every little thing I do, say and think.  

My other baby =)

Even before I knew I was pregnant with our little angel, I already had my first baby. :)

I've been nursing her, feeding her, taking care of her for almost 7 years now. (Grabe, ang tanda ko na pala!)

Everyone, meet Blessed. 

Pag may time kayo, please do visit my baby, ha? 

Promise, malulula kayo sa dami ng magagandang mao-offer ng baby ko sa inyo. Hehehe :)

Thankyew!

Run for Athena

This morning, on our way to Blessed, we saw Run for Athena's stall and pretty girl Athena was there together with her mom. Promise, ang cute cute talaga ni Athena! :) Muntik ng tumulo ang luha ko. My heart goes out to her mom. Alam kong sobrang hirap para sa isang ina na malaman na may sakit ang anak mo, moreso kung kailangan ng series of operations. When I was talking to Athena, I looked into her eyes and I just said a silent prayer that may the Lord touch her with His Mighty Healing Hands. May Athena's family be able to raise all of the funds, and even more, for the little girl's pre- and post-operation needs and for the series of operations.

This is me with Athena and her mom. 

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A little help goes a lonngggggg way, guys. And again, prayer is the most powerful tool we can give. 

Baby girl Athena, I will continue praying for you. 

52-Week Money Challenge =)

Read this from Frugal Honey just now. :)

Hmmmm. This is pretty interesting. I LOVE TO SHOP, and I think that with or without this challenge, I'll still buy the things that interest me (if I have enough moolah y'knaw). But knowing that you saved up all this cash for 52 WEEKS---straight, I think, lets go of that guilt that you are spending so much on your wants.

Sooooo...I still have to find that 52-week money challenge reward for myself. :) A bag? An out-of-town trip? A new phone? Ano kaya?

Let me start on the 1st week of September! Sabayan nyo ko! :)

Praying for Syria

I am not one who reads up on news daily. I only read the business section because of my work and the rest would no longer be on current events.

But this really tugged my heart. :(

I have been hearing/reading 'Syria' these past weeks on the global news. But I never really cared to push the 'read more' tab or 'scroll down'. Maybe because will all the unfortunate events in the Middle East these past years, I may have just thought 'isa lang 'to dun'. I also do not want to see dead bodies scattered on pavements. (I believe that faces of children should not be shown in videos/photos without proper consent. This is an amateur video, according to the reports.) But what I really do not understand is why would someone, anyone, do such a cruel thing and end the lives of innocent people. :( That is just so unfair and unacceptable.

Looks like this Syria thing is not going to end anytime soon. So dadami pa ng dadami ang madadamay, ang pwedeng mamatay, magkasakit. Please please please say a little prayer for Syria tonight before you sleep. Pray for the families and their children, those innocent lives. Nakakaiyak lang. Paano kung sa Pilipinas 'to nangyari? Paano kung mga anak na natin ang nalagay sa alanganin? =(

CROSSROAD

What will you choose?

Company A

- security of tenure

- GOOD pay

- 4-day work week (but still 40 hours a week)

- with benefits and all

- no challenge

- i don't seem to learn anything new

- no value-added

- i don't really know what this office is for, do we have any output?

- emotionally stressful

- uhm, does anybody know our office? i don't think so

Company B

- not so GOOD pay as Company A

- usual 5-day work week

- only the usual benefits

- i might get to travel

- stimulates your brain

- pushes you to your limit

- will eat up my time with my baby girl/family (BIG BIG FACTOR)

- might get back to my usual stressed (mentally) self

- have to reboot and relearn things (refresh my memory)

SO GUYS, HELP. 

DO NOT THINK HIGHLY OF YOURSELVES THAN OTHERS

Luke 18:9-14

Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)

Being Right With God

9 There were some people who thought they were very good and looked down on everyone else. Jesus used this story to teach them: 10 “One time there was a Pharisee and a tax collector. One day they both went to the Temple to pray. 11 The Pharisee stood alone, away from the tax collector. When the Pharisee prayed, he said, ‘O God, I thank you that I am not as bad as other people. I am not like men who steal, cheat, or commit adultery. I thank you that I am better than this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week, and I give a tenth of everything I get!’
13 “The tax collector stood alone too. But when he prayed, he would not even look up to heaven. He felt very humble before God. He said, ‘O God, have mercy on me. I am a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, when this man finished his prayer and went home, he was right with God. But the Pharisee, who felt that he was better than others, was not right with God. People who make themselves important will be made humble. But those who make themselves humble will be made important.”

Blessed

Yes. I am blessed.

Recently, I've been stressing myself out with work-related thoughts. See, I admit, I am not really stressed with work. I am stressed at work. I used to work for a highly dynamic and driven team. You could feel everyone's passion for excellence. I did have a very micro-manager boss, I did cry a couple of times because I was not really sure why she had to be hard on everybody. She did not like to rest. In fact, I don't think she knows what rest is. I often felt being pushed to this line, this goal, then each time I am so close to reaching that goal, it'll suddenly move. A moving target.

So I looked for other career opportunities. I can't see myself working in the private sector, so I narrowed my search to the government. A year has passed and I am now enjoying the perks of having a 4-day work week. I have the pleasure of always enjoying a long weekend. But my brain's just drying out, like my brain cells are eating each other out of starvation, out of thirst. This hunger for knowledge is just too much to bear. I can read all the books I want, all the news I want, be updated as much as I want to. But I miss the dynamics of a team, a team so eager to learn. I miss that feeling of getting up the next day, not knowing the new people I'll meet and new concepts I'll learn.

But the 4-day work week, with a better compensation package, is just too hard to let go. If I were still single, I'd definitely stay with the team because I have time in my hands. Now, I have to think of my baby girl first. I want to be the best mom to her. I want to spend more time with her. I  want need to see her grow.

Yes folks, I am still blessed. I may not have everything I want. But I do have everything God wants me to have. He alone knows what I must have at this point in my life.

I have a very loving hubby. (Who bought me a lovely tote bag despite being such a minimalist/kuripot! Love you beb!) I have a very sweet, adorable, hyper, smart li'l kiddo. (Who is growing more and more like me.) I have the warmest family and the craziest friends!

Thank you, Lord. <3 I should not worry about anything. Sagot mo ko, diba Lord? :)

YES TO THAT!

Source

Hear hear

2 Corinthians 9:7

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